There’s a new book out called The Gift of Adversity: The Unexpected Benefits of Life’s Difficulties, Setbacks and Imperfections by Norman E. Rosenthal, MD. I read about it recently, and made a mental note to put it on my must-read list.  But the title and summary on the author’s website came to mind again as I watched the news this week on the 12^th anniversary of the 9-11 terrorist attack.

Dr. Rosenthal is talking about both personal tragedy and national trauma, drawing from his childhood in apartheid-era South Africa, as well as from his long recovery after suffering a violent attack by a stranger, and from his career as a psychiatrist.  He argues that true innovation, emotional resilience, wisdom, and dignity can only come from confronting and understanding the adversity we have experienced. His arguments agree with my own study of meditation, which teaches you to live in the moment and accept both laughter and tears, rather than bury your emotions.

I can’t help but remember how 9-11, that shared American tragedy, changed all of us – and wonder how many have just buried those memories since then.  This year’s 12th anniversary reminded me how alive it still burns in my mind and emotions.  While I experienced the terrorist attack from San Francisco, where I was living with my late husband Tim Robinson, I also felt the pain as a long-time New Yorker.  We watched the TV in horror and became frantic about our friends at work in Manhattan. It was the city where we met and fell in love.

Only a little over two years later I suffered the pain of losing my beloved husband and soul mate following cancer surgery – and returned to New York to heal.   Only after I moved back to my old Brooklyn neighborhood just south of Prospect Park did I really feel the pain of 9-11 totally full force, talking to friends and neighbors who had witnessed the fall of the towers first-hand. The victims were their neighbors, relatives and friends. The tragedy bonded New Yorkers together.  And I learned it was so much harder to forget the terrorist act when I was confronted by the gaping hole in the skyline every time I crossed the bridge.

Yes, I was thankful for that lesson in the healing power of pain, but only if you accept it, learn from it and, yes, never forget. I came back to Michigan last summer, worried about the health of my oldest brother, Gilbert.  He bravely battled AML leukemia for a year before succumbing the last day of July, yet I am so grateful for the last year of celebrations and laughter, and even the tears of a long goodbye.

For more information on the book A Gift of Adversity, visit Dr. Rosenthal’s website at http://www.normanrosenthal.com/blog/book/gift-adversity/